I’m Free

“A life in happiness and well-being begins with a decision”.

For a long time I was dominated and controlled by fears and outside influences – probably like everyone who had taken this book into their hands and began to turn the pages over. From infancy to adulthood my life was overshadowed by destructive thought patterns. I was afraid of almost everything; for example of strangers, of being on my own, of sicknesses, of failure, of flying, of being laughed at, of not being accepted, of the unknown, of having to stand up alone, of not meeting other’s expectations, of losing control, of examinations, of heights, and much more. Fear was my daily companion. Additionally I was shy, full of complexes, had no mind of my own, could easily be influenced, and I did not have a spark of self-consciousness. I believed in everything you can think of except in me. At least I thought that I believed in something. I never got the idea that I should change this condition – or that I was even able to have an influence on it. I was convinced of being a victim of circumstances, and because I believed this so thoroughly, I created my life accordingly. That’s how it simply was. I had accepted all chains as real parts of myself. Yes, I thought that’s how I am and how I will always be. That’s life. Bad luck!
But one day, when I already had kids of my own, something started to change. More and more frequently I had the feeling that something inside of me that I could not even identify was taking over the control in certain situations. It was as if a new course had been set for me. One time I was put on the “give up-track”, then on the “outburst of rage-track”, and another time on the “must keep things under control-track”. Slowly I noticed that I was controlled by something that felt strange to me and that I did not really want. I perceived it as a foreign element, as something that in reality was not a part of me. When a certain point was passed, I just let it happen. The more often I experienced and noticed this, the more I started to search for the reasons that made me react reflexively and usually succeeded in gaining mastery over me. I had become curious and began to research first within then my surroundings starting with my past. I began to put the puzzle pieces together and was interested in finding out what was really going on inside and outside of me. Books about different subjects – mostly spiritual literature – found their way into my life; I had training, attended seminars and workshops. In the course of time I encountered more and more people who were in similar situations – they were constructive aids for me or gave me valuable hints. At that time I had already read numerous books about the power of thoughts and the law of attraction, and I had also watched many documentations about these subjects. I trained myself diligently in the application of this law. When I talked with friends or family members, I was able to more and more observe what effects thoughts can make of our life respectively what we ourselves make of our life due to our self-made thoughts. It was amazingly interesting. More and more signposts came to me very naturally.
One day, when I had reached a specific point on my path, somebody was placed at my side who showed me a way to find the way back to myself. He had to deal with similar problems like I did, and we noticed many parallels in our thinking, our perception, viewpoints, hopes, and dreams – but also in our experiences and patterns from our past. A very close fraternal relationship developed. As we were able to connect with each other due to our similarities, we mutually began to show each other our strengths. We exchanged experiences and knowledge, and while dealing with the other’s difficulties which reflected in us, we worked on ourselves at the same time. Because I was hoping that he saw the same in me as I saw in him, I made great efforts to gain strength in order to be strong for him. In doing so, I learned to look at things from a higher perspective and to see them in a different light. Our mutual encouragement and examination of things from different perspectives on behalf of the other continually opened new horizons in us. It was a constant give and take at an enormous speed. As he believed in me and encouraged me to follow my feelings and to have confidence, I regained faith in me.
One day I stood up and started to face my fears one by one. I began to question one viewpoint after the next and to bring light into the new perspectives. I had enough of continually being prevented from what I really wanted to do and realized how little truth was included in most of my adapted belief patterns like for example: “I cannot do this; I cannot make it; I have not been trained enough; I am not good enough (!).” As time went by, I enjoyed saying good-bye to these distortions of my mind. I even made a list of fears and worked my way through them and stopped giving in to minor and bigger fears which spontaneously arose all day long. I really searched for them so that I could consciously eliminate them. Every time I faced a fear, something peculiar happened: Instead of a fight and new fears resulting from it, I experienced inner silence and peace. There were no more fears. I recognized fear as nothing more than an illusion that I myself had invented caused by adapted belief patterns. The more often I made these kinds of experiences, the easier I noticed that I had made steps in the right direction, steps which I would not have dared to make a couple of weeks before. Some hurdles I did not even notice anymore. My self-consciousness grew enormously, because I recognized what I am able to do and that I could accomplish all I wanted to accomplish. All these realizations were initialized by this wonderful connection to my soul partner. Without him, this book would not exist – on the one hand because I had never thought that I was not capable of writing a book, but mostly because I would not have the knowledge and experience which thanks to our special connection led to these contents.
Of course, there are still fears and insecurities arising in me, but today, I encounter them in a completely different way. As I had already realized how illusionary some fears were, I am not afraid of encountering them anymore. To me, fears are nothing more than unsettled issues on a check list which needs to be worked through. The more problems I have dealt with, the clearer my views get and the more veils are lifted. I don’t postpone difficulties anymore. Whenever a fear or insecurity arises, it’s the right moment to face it.
What could be more beautiful than regaining faith in one’s own existence? There is an enormous power within each of us. Every one of us had come with a special task into this world – an individual fate –, and this fate can only be fulfilled by the individual himself. We can only fulfill our fate when we unfold our whole potential and faithfully listen to our inner voice – no matter what our environment tries to talk us into. We are only able to trust our inner voice when consciously perceiving what happens in our life and when asking critical questions like: “Is this or that opinion about myself really true?” Only when we are totally honest with ourselves and don’t hide behind reliable, but wrong securities proclaimed by public opinions, we will be able to let go of what we are not. We must be aware that common opinions can only lead to limitations, but never the freedom of being ourselves.