Apple of My I: The Four Practices of Self-Love

“Be true to yourself” – too bad the old adage does not come with a user’s manual. It’s not easy to do something, when you don’t know how to do it. I wrote this book to offer up just that: a user-friendly manual to living an authentic life, one true to who you really are. When you live this way health and happiness follow closely. Authenticity has a prerequisite, however: accepting and loving one’s Self. By the time you are done reading, you will know exactly how to stay in tune, love and take care of yourself, each hour of each day. You will understand why, when, and what to do to rebalance your body and mind, according to your momentary needs, because you will have the skills to connect within.

From my two decades of practicing psychotherapy it has become clear that self-love is the blueprint beneath all of what we experience – and create – in our lives. Up to this day I have sat, listened, and helped thousands of people go from pain to well-being, from suffering to peace, and I have come to realize that nothing impacts our lives more than the level to which we accept and love our Selves. Every segment, every layer of our existence is a direct extension of that underlying relationship, a mirror image of it. It became crystal-clear that the only way to be well and good to others is to love one’s Self.

Without this we cannot create much positive on this Earth. We would not recognize love, acceptance, care from others even if it was in front of our face. Every aspect of our lives – relationships, work, life circumstances - is an extension of how relate to our Selves. On these pages I will help you find your way back to You, so that you may create health and wellbeing for you and for others. This can only happen if you put your primary focus inside the only person you can truly know and help. You will learn why this matters, and how this is done. During this process you will also get a lot of insight as to the how’s and why’s of what you see manifesting in your life. Chances are, old patterns will become clear, and connected with what is happening today in your life.

Is this book for you? I believe it is for everyone. Who could not use more self-love, more harmony within? You will especially benefit from reading and applying the practice I call Authenticity Method if you often feel frustrated, powerless, sad, lonely, empty or anxious. Also, if you suffer from aches and pains. To what degree do you feel peaceful and happy in general? If it is, say, a 6 or less on a scale from 0 (none) to 10 (all), here you will find ways to tweak it up to 8 or more. Given that it is the distilled essence of massive clinical experience I believe that this book offers roughly the information equivalent to a few years of psychotherapy. In fact, since I have been applying this method the effectiveness of my work has multiplied. This is because the Authenticity Process zeroes in on what is truly at the core of emotional health.

In Part One, I will introduce you to the basic ideas of this approach to self-love. In Part Two I will address and clarify any misconceptions, correct any beliefs that might be in your way of loving yourself – and hopefully, talk you out of them! As a result, you will be ready to fully commit to accepting your own feelings as your best guidance in life, and thus, ready to learn the four steps to self-love.

In Part Three, we will explore the main principles of positive self-parenting and identify your current self-parenting style. Finally, in Part Four, you will find a detailed explanation of the four fundamental practices of self-love, along with the skills necessary to perform them. These are the four things we do when we love (or parent) someone in a way that is actually received as love: (A), pay Attention to feelings; (B), Breathe, stay present and soothe; (C), Communicate about feelings and needs; and then meet those needs by (D), Doing what it takes to feel better. This is the Authenticity Method, in a nutshell. Love is love is love. Give it to you, give it to someone else, the mainstays are the same. Through exercises designed to help make self-love – or positive self-parenting - your automatic pilot you will practice the most important life-skills.

Toward the end of the book, I will introduce you to “Shrinkster”: your personal emotional health assistant. Like a “shrink in your pocket” Shrinkster is a shortened version of the four practices that will always be there to help you feel better in a pinch. But please, do not jump to Shrinkster hoping to find a “quick fix”. Shrinkster is a distilled version of a complex self-parenting method, and it takes time to hone the skills involved in it. In order to ensure that this quick version of self-help will truly deliver, it must be built on a period of practicing the full four-step process.

I welcome you on this journey. This may be your most amazing ride, one that carries the potential to transform your life, bringing you joy and peace. With the help of these practices you will learn to love yourself more, and you will feel better and better –I am giving it to you in writing! Your chalice will be filled up, day in and day out with positive energy, and radiance. Then - and only then - you will pour it onto the people around you in a way that is sustainable. In truth, we can only transcend what we have inhabited once, and thus, the road to selflessness leads through embracing the Self.

Love yourself? Trust your body? Deplorably, and despite of my profession, this came as a huge surprise to me. Always busy and distracted, I, like many others, had been living in a profound disconnect from, and mistrust of myself, my own feelings – and did not even know it! Then, many years ago, while on vacation in Maine - when the freight train of my life came to a temporary halt - my heart was literally shooting pain signals, and in a frighteningly quick succession. Needless to say, that got my attention! My mother died of a heart attack at 62, and I was not going to go down that path. That is when I started to listen to my body.