Angry Bitch! Who Are You? I Love You.

Clarity and Calm – The New Me

One of the things that became very clear to me whilst I was writing about my angry bitch was how sensitive I am. That explained why over the years I had built up so such thick layers of protection around me, with the strongest and fiercest one of the protectors being the angry voice. For quite some time I have known that there are people who have extra-sensitive dispositions, and they easily become overwhelmed. Before I did my inner work and wrote this book, I saw and felt that being “sensitive” was one of the most shameful things anyone could say about me, so I hid my sensitivity behind a tough facade and lots of anger, to protect what was really hiding inside. Now I do not need to hide my sensitivity anymore, because I have accepted and embraced that side of me. The issue was that I had been associating being sensitive with being weak and a victim, but that certainly doesn’t have to be the case. Sensitivity is a special and useful trait. It enables me to connect easily with people, be in touch with my core, and easily feel when I step over my own, or other people’s, boundaries. It is a gift, and I feel a huge relief to have made peace with that part of myself. With this knowledge about my sensitivity and the angry bitch trying to protect me, I can easily help and support myself. For example, I can see my anger as a sign that I am probably overstimulated, hurting, or simply tired, so I can do something constructive about it instead of overreacting to something or someone external.Since working with and embracing my shadow around aggression and anger, I do not have to be afraid about it anymore. I know these sides of myself very well and can live life feeling more free and content. It is so liberating to live this way rather than in the former prison of the deep, dark secret that made me detest and even hate myself – the secret that I was sometimes an angry, uncontrolled bitch! Yes, I was that. I sometimes still am, but the anger does not erupt like a volcano anymore from the darkest corners of my psyche. By shining light into those corners, I examined what was hidden there. Although I can still become angry and aggressive, my shame around it has shifted tremendously, thus leaving me much more at peace. I have healed the cracks within so that what was a volcano is now more like a geyser – much more manageable and much less frightening.I also found out that anger in me was covering up fear – the fear of being powerful. It is easier to be an angry martyr, complaining and whining, than having to confront the amazing amount of power I really do have. For me, and I am sure for many others, it is very scary having to step up and take full responsibility for choices in life. We may have a deep fear of making a wrong choice, so we elect to not make a choice at all and just follow along with what other people want from us. We can then blame others when we become miserable, and we complain that nobody understands us or looks after our needs. But why should they, when we don’t even bother to look after our own needs by taking full responsibility for whatever painful situation we are in?Anger is a very powerful force. It is a great messenger that tells us when our boundaries have been crossed and when we feel strongly about an issue and need to speak our truths. I recognize that the powerful force of anger is what gives me the drive to keep working, being a coach, running workshops, and writing books about emotional education.The driver is the anger at not wanting to put up with unreasonable projections or take our misery out on our children or spouses – at living our lives in depression and letting addictions run our lives.I am done keeping quiet. The angry bitch has helped me understand that enough is enough; there is so much which can be done and improved around our behaviour and level of love towards ourselves and each other. There is something we have to learn and understand. There is something I have to stand for and tell the world, and this is it: We are not victims of life. We are very powerful, creative beings, capable of much more than we can even comprehend.This book is also about how I too often found myself living inside of my shadow story of “life is hard”, “there is something wrong with me”, “I am not good enough”, and various other limiting beliefs. Living inside my story and these beliefs created the kind of pain, misery, and confusion that I used to wish would just miraculously go away. It never did, but I learned how to manage it. We need to get to know ourselves and the human psyche really well and open up to loving and embracing that we are everything – every human trait is present within us. Once we fully embrace that and forgive ourselves for all that being human entails, we can take back control and get to choose, each moment of each day, where and how we wish to spend our time and how we wish to behave. Do we want to stay inside our limiting stories, or do we want to shift and see the world and ourselves from beyond them, where excitement, joy, and possibilities of life exist?