Finding Me
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From as far back as my memory takes me into my childhood he was touching me. My beloved grandfather whom I loved so much, the monarch of our family. Sexually abusing me.
It confused me so much growing up, once I realised that what he was doing to me was wrong and that it made me feel afraid, dirty and uncertain. Why did I still love him so much? Was he showing me how much he loved me? Why didn’t anybody else in the family know about what we were doing?
“You kill me,” he would say to me. “Eat me.” “Don’t tell anybody, this is our secret my darling.” “They will never believe you.” “I love you, tell me you love me.” “I protect you from your father, you are mine.”
“Please somebody come in now and catch us,” I would often pray in my mind. “Why doesn’t anyone notice what is going on?” “Please God, help me to get away.” I prayed for it all to stop. I prayed for the sexual abuse to stop. I prayed for my father to stop physically abusing my mother, my siblings and myself. I prayed for my mother to stop sleeping around and for my parents to divorce. I prayed to die.
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About the Book
Finding Me is a compelling true story about a young girl living through sexual and physical abuse—how it affected her life and relationships into adulthood and how she eventually found her way out of the darkness and into the light.
Finding Me, although confrontational and dark at times, is about finding your way out of the darkness and no longer being afraid to step into the light. It is about love and forgiveness, not only for others, but for yourself—learning to love, nurture, and respect yourself to become the person you truly deserve to be.
In sharing her story, M. Hope wishes to empower others that have walked the same or similar paths and to show that no matter how dark and heavy things can become, there truly is a light for us at the end of it all—if and when we are ready to turn our backs on the darkness and speak our truth.
About the Author
M. Hope runs her home business as a practitioner of Reiki, Pellowah, and Light Dynamics. She plans to begin studying her dual diploma in complementary therapies and holistic counselling. She resides in Melbourne, Australia, with her four children.