The World According to YOU!

If I had the book you are now holding in your hands when I was first starting out in my career, I might have understood sooner that it was always all about me … who I was being in every moment of my life was literally creating my life. This change of perspective might have helped me take full responsibility for my role in the creation of everything unfolding around me, and it might have prevented some unnecessary pain and drama for me and the people whose lives were interwoven with mine.

One of the most profound things I came to understand, both from my life experiences and from managing teams of people working together on complex projects, is how difficult it is for most of us to see the role we play in the events of our lives. Time and time again I have seen hardworking, intelligent, creative, well-intentioned people (myself included) sabotage some area of our lives simply because most of us do not see ourselves clearly, nor do we understand that we actually have a role in creating our micro and macro world. The problem, I came to realize, rarely lies in how we go about performing the tasks of our professional and personal lives – what I call the doing. It is who we are being while we are performing those tasks and the choices that unfold from our state of being that really count.

The recognition that our choices create our lives is a concept most find difficult to grasp, and I understand not everyone is attracted to or ready for this level of self-inquiry. It takes fierce courage and great discipline to observe what our role has been and continues to be in the dramas that unfold around us. Usually it is not until we reach the point that we are inconsolable and desperate for things to change: a spouse walks out for no apparent reason, a life-threatening disease is diagnosed, a job is lost or a career is shattered; any number of personal crises may send us tumbling into a pit of despair. We hit rock bottom – the proverbial dark night of the soul – and are driven to uncover the answers for this overwhelmingly sad place in which we find ourselves. We may ask ourselves what we have done to deserve this tragic event, but too often in our search for answers we are blinded by shadows and illusions. Then, in an attempt to render the incident digestible, we make up stories in which someone or something else is the villain and the cause of our suffering.

Some, like me, may cling to being right (even when we are not); others lash out in blame, or become ensconced in playing the role of victim. These are all forms of self-inflicted suffering that leave us feeling frustrated and powerless. We pretend that we have no part in what is unfolding around us, and in so doing, we lose the ability to see the role we played in creating the unwanted situation in the first place. Of even greater consequence is that we give away our power to create the fulfilling lives we truly desire. There comes a moment, however, when somewhere deep within we can no longer ignore that we have a role in the chaos around us. This recognition enables us to surrender, to embrace our vulnerability, and to say – Ok! Ok! I give up. I need help. Once we realize that we create it all – the good, the bad and the ugly – and that we are not victims of the fickle finger of fate or an angry, punishing God, we can consciously make the choices that serve us most.

The first and most important concept I learned and will share with you here is the understanding that every relationship, event, and drama in our lives reflects back to us who we are being, moment by moment. The relationships and circumstances in which we find ourselves serve as a huge full-length mirror constantly reflecting back to us who we are being. Sometimes we like what we see, especially if we have had time to adjust ourselves into the perfect pose, stand up straight, hold in the stomach, lift up the chin and smile. Most of the time however, we are living our lives on autopilot and what gets reflected back is not quite so pleasing. On the pages of this book, we will explore this concept in much greater detail, and for now, consider this: If we do not change the image in front of the mirror, what gets reflected back will be the same image that we do not like. We are creating it all – the peaceful beauty and the daily upheaval. It is not just happening to us as poor innocent victims, we are generating it, moment to moment, through our feelings of worthiness or unworthiness, and the thoughts, words and actions that arise as a result.

Thoughts, feelings, words and actions are energy, and each one is like tossing a boomerang very far away from ourselves. We may forget that we threw it, but that does not stop it from coming back to us. It may even hit us upside the head when we least expect it. Most of us are unaware of the energetic boomerangs we hurl into the universe on a daily basis, and are mystified when one comes back to us in a hurtful way. Yet if we are totally honest with ourselves, we will admit that we, in fact, are the ones who threw it. We still may not comprehend the degree to which we create the net result – joy or pain; satisfaction or frustration – and, once we are willing to acknowledge the part we play in the circumstances of our lives, we can begin to adjust what we are sending out in order to ensure different results.