God Are You Talking To Me?

Day One
God, are you talking to me? You want me to write a book?
Self: God, did I really hear you say you wanted me to write a book?
Self: God, I know you are all powerful and everything, but you can’t mean me!
Self: Yes, I was that good student who took advanced English classes and always got her papers turned back without any red “X”s in front of mistakes for grammar or mechanics. But, remember there was always that comment in red across the top of the paper. Don’t you remember those words Mrs. Watkins had written (I know I will never forget), “Sounds like something a first grader would write.” You can’t expect me to write a book, my teacher told me I couldn’t write!
Self: But God, I am not worthy of being your scribe. I’m just a normal person. Who would want to read something I wrote? I didn’t study theology.
Self: Yes God, I went to church every Sunday in my younger years. You know the one, the Presbyterian Church. It was in that quiet loving church that I learned to be still and to begin to listen and hear Your Voice.
Self: And yes, I did get the Baptist perspective when I visited Granny. There I heard Reverend Burrell’s interpretation of what he thought were Your Words in a booming voice. That’s also where I was frightened to death by his voice telling me the Devil was always trying to tempt me and if I wasn’t good I was going to hell.
Self: You’re right God; I studied the Bible and learned many verses which I can still recite today. But, there were things in there that didn’t make sense to me. You know, like how did Cain and Able find wives if they were the sons of Adam and Eve, the first people? Where did those wives come from?
Self: But, I certainly know You know I haven’t attended a church regularly since my college days. I did go just a few weeks ago when I was at Aunt Jean’s house. I went with her to that little Methodist Church near her, and I really thoroughly enjoyed it! I really like a female minister’s perspective much more than a male’s! Why don’t You have more women in Your pulpits? To me their message is more like the one I think You want to get out there. You know the message about LOVE.
Self: You’re right, again as always! While I was watching Aunt Jean’s pastor, I received Your first sign that You sent for me to know that I was doing what You wanted me to do. I saw that beautiful glow You shone around her body. It appeared to be glowing about 6 or 7 inches beyond her physical body. I certainly was glad You sent me that sign! I needed the physical reassurance that I had found favor in Your Eyes.
Self: God, but are You sure it’s me You want to do this? I am not an important person, and I am a girl. I know You don’t even see gender, but out here in the 21st century there are still churches that make a big deal about gender and don’t even allow females to perform certain duties and responsibilities!
Self: God, I can’t do this. I am not worthy of writing Your words. I am from just a middle class family. You know I was raised in the suburbs in the 1950’sand 60’s. My dad was one of those heroic people that had served in WW II and worked 3 jobs to give us what we had. My mom worked many jobs, too and only one of them was for money outside of our home. She was a secretary. Remember then, that a woman could only be a secretary, nurse, teacher, or homemaker. I know You heard my thoughts about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t want to do any of those jobs that society had pigeon-holed women into doing. I wanted to be an archaeologist! Now if I had become a famous archaeologist who had made some startling discoveries, then someone would have paid to read one of my books. You know also that that never happened, because I changed my mind about wanting to be an archaeologist as soon as I realized that most of an archaeologist’s work is done in VERY HOT places, I knew then that job was not the one for me! That’s when I decided to be a teacher like my aunt. I made my poor sister play school all of the time. But, I don’t think that being a teacher makes me qualified to write a book. I mean I taught math and science, not even English and history, much less theology!
Self: God, yes You’re right once more. I am a voracious reader. My dad did start sitting with me when I first began to read. He did move an index card over each line of words I was trying to read, so my eyes were trained to move on to the next line more rapidly than the average person. If only, he had made it readily available to everyone and made the money the people who started up those first speed reading courses made!
Self: And yes, I have persevered through writing a dissertation to earn my educational doctorate degree. But, this is completely different!
Self: Hey God, are You positive I am the one You want to do this? Okay. Now, I know how Noah felt when you asked him to build The Ark! Events of Day One
“I can’t believe I really am going to do this!
Come on, Tana it’s no big deal. You do this every day,” I say to myself as I get my computer out trying to convince myself that this is just any other normal day in an average person’s life. And, I do get out my computer every morning to teach online education courses to aspiring teachers. But, today is different. I am taking a huge leap of faith in believing that this small, still voice in my head is actually God talking to me and directing my path. This leap of faith requires that I actually open up a blank page in Word on my computer and start typing the title of this book on it. Here I go. I take a deep breath and type, “God, Are You Talking to Me: One Identity’s Journey to Spiritual Awakening” at the top. There, it is done. Oh wait, no, it is just the beginning like the very beautiful and apt Foreword my friend Jeanie (you’ll be more properly introduced to her tomorrow) wrote for this book and didn’t know she was writing. So, what’s next? You have your title. That part was easy. It came to me days ago, as a very small thought. It may have been small, yet it was clear in my head. When I woke up and had to start typing this morning, the thought about the name of this book came back to me. I remembered I had thought it. The difference is today the thought just doesn’t flit through my mind as a thought. Today, it comes out loud and clear along with the message, “This is the title of the book you are going to write.” I didn’t really hear a voice, but the message couldn’t have been any clearer.
I really have no idea what is next, so I just start writing down ideas about things I don’t want to forget to include. Some of it even comes out as entire paragraphs! This is a familiar process to me, because it is the way that I wrote my dissertation. I needed something familiar, as all of the rest of it was pretty strange. By strange, I mean all of the things I was going to talk about here in this book. Of course, strange things have happened to me in my life. Looking back, I see that they were God’s plan and a way of easing me into experiencing what other people would call paranormal experiences, but what I call Miracles or God’s Love being manifested here on earth.